Merci Lyons-Cox
on working
so now I’m writing okay cut my teeth and the spit
that’s been collecting under my tongue next to my
molars is starting to make its way forward and I’m
resisting the urge to wipe my chin because I am
embarrassed that this morning on another 12 hour
shift I walked outside to ogle a plump police horse
trotting between a fire truck and an ambulance and
I’m there grinning like a dunce and some man purses
his lips and tells me that someone is about to jump
and death has been creeping around this hole of a
restaurant and stops by sometimes to slurp up little
snacks but I suppose if something exists for long
enough it is bound to witness some endings and I feel
disgusting for making some person’s unrelated
desperation about us and about myself and I don’t
mean to share the weight but normally I tie my apron
strings so tight because we used to prank each other
by tugging the bow and the sound of an apron
clattering is louder than you might assume because it
holds all of the things your arms can’t carry so okay
let’s try now and give it a tug but I’m unsure if I
should apologize for what spills out because I have
already been convinced once before that defiance was
selfishness but he also told me that cowardice was
selfish so the ishness of it all was really about my self
so now sometimes I come readily confused and
assume I should wind tighter and shut the fuck up but
it’s just fucking weird to sit counting money with
someone one day and the next day they no call no
show and it turns out they just stopped existing while
you were asleep and in some ways it feels reductive to
write about what gags me because it takes skill to
create a mouth but in terms of art a mouth can also
be lines but only a mouth is a really a mouth and I
don’t mean to share the weight but things fall so
quickly and they ascend so slowly so here I am writing
to try to negotiate a balance but I can’t always find a
beautiful way to spit
Merci Lyons-Cox is a poet, actor, and bartender based in Philadelphia. She is an MFA candidate at Temple University, where she is studying poetry.