SOFíA AGUILAR
boyhood
i’ve found / is no different from doghood / is as hard-edged & rough & sharp / as stones / is my son digging holes / dirt flying / earth caked between his toes / is ripping / & pulling / & gnawing / snapping threads / stretching thin / the violence only a boy could believe / once / for three days straight / he tore a toy apart / before noon / just because he could / because he wanted to see / the end of a life / the inside of a body / how far he could go / how high the fire could blaze / he’s a hunting dog / seeking / solely through scent / like the ancestors he comes from / licking the bowl bare / biting my hands clean / breaking bones & bark & sticks / barking at shadows / biting blades of grass / chasing squirrels for sport / flying so fast / his ear folds itself back / after meals / he can even smell the meat on my breath / leans in close / trying to lick my mouth / my face / for the ghost of its taste / like a bird / taking from the mother helping him grow / the brutality of boy / of beast / of son / of animal / & yet there is a softness to him / a gentleness too / how he watches bees / quietly / hearing the buzz of their wings / how he can place / his head in my hand / how he slumbers in sunlight / at night / he curls himself into a question mark / so much so his foot meets his mouth / as he sleeps / our bodies facing each other / in the bed / he nudges his nose / into my elbow bend / belly breathing / stretching & bending itself back into place / sometimes barking or growling / muffled / trapped in his mouth / at something / i wonder what he dreams about / if he remembers / what he witnessed / that day / a neighbor walking past the window / the rain dotting his skin / me kissing his ears / like a wish / with my eyes closed / i am a boy’s mother / i want him to grow up soft / i want him to run / as all the animals do / i want him to dig / open up the land / break new ground / & plant something new / in its place.
Sofía Aguilar (she/they) is a Chicana writer, editor, and library professional based on the traditional homelands of the Tongva and Chumash peoples, now known as Los Angeles, California. Her work has appeared in the L.A. Times, Refinery29 Somos, and New Orleans Review, among other publications. Her debut children’s picture book Queer Latine Heroes: 25 Changemakers from Latin America and the U.S. from History and Today is forthcoming from Jessica Kingsley Publishers in September 2025. She can be found at sofiaaguilar.com or on social media @sofiaxaguilar.